As I said in an earlier post, I went on a mission a while back to try to expose just how banal inspirational quotes are. My most successful effort was to add “and shit” to the end of traditional quotations. E.g., “Religion is the opiate of the masses, and shit.” (Marx)

In no way did this motivate people to stop and think about the banality of what they were doing in posting quotes, but it was a lot of fun.

So I’ve put together a second partial list of the “and shit” quotes that I’ve posted on Twitter. (Click here for the first list.)

I always add a comma before the “and shit” to mark the end of the actual quote, whether that comma is actually needed or not.

As a bonus, at the end of the “And shit” quotes below, I’ve listed some of my other (less successful) anti-inspirational quote efforts: “Booger Poetry” (replacing a key word in a classic line of poetry with “booger”), and “Shakespeare bitches” (adding “bitches” after a line in Shakespeare).

Enjoy!

AND SHIT!

“Love is the absence of judgment, and shit.” (Dalai Lama) #AndShit.

“I dream my painting and I paint my dream, and shit.” (Van Gogh) #AndShit.

“As a writer, you should not judge, you should understand, and shit.” (Hemingway) #AndShit.

“The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn, and shit.” (Emerson) #AndShit.

“Proper words in proper places make the true definition of a style, and shit.” (Swift) #AndShit.

Abraham Lincoln: “All I have learned, I learned from books, and shit.”

Abraham Lincoln:

“All I have learned, I learned from books, and shit.”

 

“I hate quotations. Tell me what you know, and shit.” (Emerson) #AndShit.

“In its grossest and most servile form quotation is a lazy folly, and shit.” (Sir Walter Raleigh) #AndShit.

“Quotations like this are the warts and excremental parts of language, and shit.” (Sir Walter Raleigh) #AndShit.

“A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought, and shit.” (Dorothy Sayers) #AndShit.

“Life itself is a quotation, and shit.” (Borges) #AndShit.

“When one begins to live by habit and by quotation, one has begun to stop living, and shit.” (James Baldwin) #AndShit.

“Perversity is the human thirst for self-torture, and shit.” (Poe) #AndShit.

“War is a perversion of sex, and shit.” (Alan Moore) #AndShit.

Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde: “Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit, and shit.”

“As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death, and shit.” (George Bernard Shaw) #AndShit.

“An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex, and shit.” (Aldous Huxley) #AndShit.

“The tragedy is when you’ve got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs, and shit.” (D.H. Lawrence) #AndShit.

“Nothing is harder to learn how to use than freedom, and shit.” (Alexis de Tocqueville) #AndShit.

“Sex pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon, and shit.” (De Beauvoir) #AndShit.

“If Jack’s in love, he’s no judge of Jill’s beauty, and shit.” (Ben Franklin) #Andshit.

“Rational beings are called persons, inasmuch as their nature already marks them out as ends in themselves, and shit.” (Kant) #AndShit.

“Other peoples have saints; the Greeks have sages, and shit.” (Nietzsche) #AndShit.

Albert Einstein: “All the fine speculations in the realm of science spring from a deep religious feeling, and shit.”

Albert Einstein: “All the fine speculations in the realm of science spring from a deep religious feeling, and shit.”

“The vulgar crowd always is taken by appearances, and the world consists chiefly of the vulgar, and shit.” (Machiavelli) #AndShit.

“Pleasure causes us to do base actions, and pain causes us to abstain from fine ones, and shit.” (Aristotle) #AndShit.

“Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste, and shit.” (Emerson) #AndShit.

“Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable, and shit.” (George Bernard Shaw) #AndShit.

“Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them, and shit.” (Mark Twain) #AndShit.

 

BOOGER POETRY

 

“I think, that if I touched a booger,
It would crumble;
It is so sad and beautiful,
So tremulously like a dream.”  (Dylan Thomas) #BoogerPoetry.

 

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large — I contain boogers.” (Walt Whitman) #BoogerPoetry.

 

“For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the booger.” (Yeats) #BoogerPoetry.

 

“I desired my boogers to be mingled with yours
Forever and forever and forever.” (Ezra Pound) #BoogerPoetry.

 

“And those whom once my booger had cheered and gladdened,
If still they live, rove through the world now saddened.” (Goethe) #BoogerPoetry.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some boogers must fall” (Longfellow) #BoogerPoetry.

 

“My booger burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!” (Edna St. Vincent Millay) #BoogerPoetry.

 

“For the beginning is assuredly
the end- since we know nothing, pure
and simple, beyond
our own boogers.” (William Carlos Williams) #BoogerPoetry.

 

“Luck is not chance, it’s toil; fortune’s expensive booger is earned.” (Dickinson) #BoogerPoetry.

 

SHAKESPEARE BITCHES

Shakespeare
William Shakespeare

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“If music be the food of love, play on, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Brevity is the soul of wit, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Conscience doth make cowards of us all, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“True nobility is exempt from fear, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“To weep is to make less the depth of grief, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Now is the winter of our discontent, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“What’s done cannot be undone, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“This was the noblest Roman of them all, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Tempt not a desperate man, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“True nobility is exempt from fear, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“No legacy is so rich as honesty, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

“Modest doubt is called the beacon of the wise, bitches.” #ShakespeareBitches.

7 thoughts on “Inspirational Quotes and Shit (Part II)

  1. I love this post, badly. I fucking hate all those inspirational quotes you see on facebook, with a background of clouds and rainbows and shit. They’re usually posted by people whose lives are a complete mess. I have a secret Facebook group on which we post the worst ones and take the piss out of them; it stops us alienating our friends that post them, by writing rude comments about them.

    There used to be this bird called Crystal Reindeer (or something) on MySpace whose ‘headline’ was that old chestnut ‘be the change you want to see in the world’. She had spent the past 10 years sleeping on the sofa because she was too much of a wimp to leave her abusive husband. I rest my case.

    1. Thanks for your comment. I’m always baffled when I see those trite sayings passed off as if they were new, clever, or interesting. They’re a poor substitute for an original thought. Anyway, I wanted to bring attention to how silly they are, and this is a fun way to do it.

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